


just apathy

by JMGAngel



Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: Catra (She-Ra)-centric, Character Study, F/F, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Introspection, Not Beta Read, Oblivious Adora (She-Ra), POV Catra (She-Ra), Poor Catra (She-Ra), dunno if you can tell but i love catra
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-10
Updated: 2019-04-10
Packaged: 2019-11-16 09:22:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,308
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18091682
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JMGAngel/pseuds/JMGAngel
Summary: Catra's grown to understand a great many things throughout her life.





	just apathy

Catra is very much used to being insulted.

Well duh, right? She grew up in the Horde. They weren't exactly known for being a sweet, supportive environment. Not that she cared or anything, it was the best she'd ever had. She also had nothing to compare it to, but she digressed.

Foolish, insignificant, undisciplined, wasteful, disrespectful. With such absolutely glowing reviews Catra didn't understand why her confidence wasn't bursting through the roof.

Yet, there was one thing that she absolutely refused to take. A word, concept that was just so blatantly false that she always protested it. It was the completely blasphemous thought that she didn't understand.

Fine, whatever.  _Maybe_ it wasn't that bad an insult all things considered. But it was just so wrong! Her understanding was the only reason she was still alive to complain about it. Catra knew how many strikes she had, she understood that she could only push so far. If anything, Catra understood more than Adora ever did. She understood the Horde's true nature, understood that she had a place, a station far below Adora's. 

She got that she was expendable.

Adora never did, though. Catra had no idea what made her "friend" so utterly blind to it, but it was the truth, plain and simple. Maybe a small part of her could just appreciate that there was one way in which she was above Adora. No reason to make a big fuss over it.

(It was easier that way.)

Catra could even understand why Adora left the Horde.

Yes, yes, get your shocked gasps out. It was logical to a point, she supposed. Adora had been too ignorant, too naive to see what was right in front of her. The Horde was her home and she loved it. Catra guessed that was a pretty easy thing to do when you were the beloved golden child who could do no wrong. Hell, if Catra was treated like that maybe she would have felt the same.

On the other hand, it was  _so_ obvious. When Shadow Weaver went to "talk" with Catra and she wasn't seen for days. When she came back bloodied and bruised. Adora had just...not realized. Even as a child there was supposed to be some kind of instinct that showed how wrong it was, right? But no, Adora could never understand. No one could.

It was all okay, though. Catra and Adora had been in it together, and clueless as she was, Adora cared. It was going to be the two of them one day manning the ship, calling the shots. God, Catra dreamed of that day. It had felt so, so near.

Then Adora left. Who covered for her? Go on, take a guess. Catra of course, because they looked out for each other. She understood what that meant. It meant she had to put herself in danger for Adora, the same way Adora would do for her.

Of course, then Adora is playing dress up with the enemy, a pretty pink princess and some sad archer. It was so out of left field. Sure, the Horde was “evil,” how scandalous. She should have been able to get over it, to move on and stick with the plan. Why was Adora suddenly having such a hard time?

Then, as she always did, Catra understood.

 It was fine when just Catra was being hurt. Adora could handle that, it was as she'd always known about that. That was acceptable. Then, her little hero complex came in when she saw others were affected too. It was infuriating, but Adora would certainly move on soon. Surely.

So, Catra decided to give her one chance to come back. Then one chance turned to two, then three. She always was rather weak for Adora. She would never let anyone else touch her, hold her the way Adora had.

It was easy to become bitter. Adora refused to listen to reason. It was always, some stupid nonsense. Even so, Catra kept hoping Adora would come back. No one would ever be able to be what Adora had been, still was for Catra. Even her new friend (co-worker? fellow force captain?) Scorpia couldn't begin to make up that hole. She understood what a stupid thought it was, yet she kept thinking it.

Then there was Princess Prom. That was the most fun she'd had in a _while_. 

Was it petty? Oh God yes. Watching Adora pathetically scramble all over her...well how could Catra not be entertained? 

"I'll take Catra," Adora had said when she saw her, voice all possessiveness and frustration.

Finally, Adora was chasing after her for once.

Her friend just couldn't handle herself, could she? Even though Adora was the one who walked out, who abandoned her, she still had to be at the center of Catra's life. Catra could use that, she knew her friend well enough to. 

It was fun playing with her. Watching Adora fumble, trying to act against Catra in some way. 

Then there was that dance. God, that dance was something. Catra hadn't touched Adora in so _long._

Well, there was the fighting, but that didn't really count (as much as Catra relished it).

Of course, all good things come to an end. Soon Adora was tackling her and starting a fight, just for insulting her friend. Did Adora care that much?

Apparently she did because Catra could just see Adora's eyes tearing up as she ran away with Bow and the pink one. Whatever her name was, Catra had a particular distaste for her.

It was all going so, so well. There was no way the Horde would lose. Catra had executed a plan, a good one at that. She had proved her worth. Adora did help her in some way, huh?

Then Shadow Weaver tried to erase Adora's memory.

On the one hand, it was exactly what Catra wanted. Things could go back to normal. No more She-Ra, just Adora.

Then, on the other hand, Catra's dumb brain had to ruin it. Even if things could "go back as they once were," Adora wouldn't be real. She made a decision, and no matter how her brain was screwed up, that would never change. Adora was a person with her own free will. Catra knew she couldn't let that be undone by Shadow Weaver.

So, she let them go. Adora had the dumbest look on her face when she did it too. Little faith, Catra supposed. It was a shame really, Catra thought she knew her better than that.

Adora was a bit of a disappointment, hm?

In any case, Catra pushed onwards. They have Entrapta now, effectively the worst person to leave behind. Shadow Weaver is out of the picture, and life is looking great. All she needs now is some tech from some place and she'll be home free. She deserved that much. She was making progress.

Then, as always, Adora stops her in her tracks.

It made sense to follow her. Maybe Catra could take down Brightmoon. Yes, not because of anything else. 

That very well may have been the best day of Catra's life. Adora almost tricked her again, appealing to her sense of loneliness, her desperation to prove herself. Little did she know Catra had grown stronger. In the end, it had always been Adora who held her back, even when they were kids. She had wasted all that time mourning when Adora leaving had allowed her to truly live.

Catra knew that she did still care deeply for her former friend. How could she not? Catra's heart would always belong to Adora.

She meant it when she said she would miss her.

Then again, watching Adora fall into the darkness, Catra thinks she can burry that emotion. Maybe one day, she can trick herself into feeling nothing at all.

**Author's Note:**

> Oh...hey beautiful? You uh, you come around here often? Wanna give me some uh....kudos?


End file.
